Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
