I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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