Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
