My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Come see our sink grown plant.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
