my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Randomize
