Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
People in love make me want to vomit
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
