Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
