Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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