Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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