the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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