im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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