you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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