Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
