He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
