# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
