My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
