I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
