He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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