During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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