we have officially lost it.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
