operation have a gay friend backfired
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
