your thong is hanging out like whoa
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
