Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
