Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
