He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
