she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
