I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
