plz talk dirty to me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
