i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
