well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
