just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
