You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
