I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he fucked my hip out of place.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
