Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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