We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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