i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
