I don't usually arrange sex via text message
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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