why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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