Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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