I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
