i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize