So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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