sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
