i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
