I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
