i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
