Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
