That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
