You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
