and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
