She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
