How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
