omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
