drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
