Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
