The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
