My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
