You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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