We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
