you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
