I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
