That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
