My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
