Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My pussy is not your playground.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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