I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
