What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
