I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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