I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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