I need to stop coming to work sober
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
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I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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