I forgot how hot balto sounded
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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