Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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