"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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